dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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