i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I donāt know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Iāve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because itās live sports. If that doesnāt explain 2020, I donāt know what does.
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