My boss' voice literally gives me gas
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
