My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
