you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
