I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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