I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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