And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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