no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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