Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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