you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize