I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
