Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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