whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
