Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
