that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
