Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Panties = found
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