peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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