Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
