didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
