Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
