Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize