Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The air was thick with penises
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
