i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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