Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
