then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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