I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
