dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
