that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
