for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
