T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize