That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
