It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
