from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
