awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
