Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
