That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
