after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Slut skills are useful in every country.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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