I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
