I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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