i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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