you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
