1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
