The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
