If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
