You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
