u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize