There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
