I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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