You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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