Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
