Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
