Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
