Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
