We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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