Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
