bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
