that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
