If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
