She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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