Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
