a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
