my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
