Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize