what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your shirt... Was in my pants
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
