I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
