Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
